There are so many different thoughts and opinions about how many gifts caregivers should or shouldn't give their children and teens during the holiday season.

As a minimalist, I am not one who likes giving or receiving gifts without meaning and purpose.

As a minimalist, I live in a very small home, so there is no room for a lot of extra stuff.

At the same time I LOVE the magic of the Christmas season.

I LOVE to give special gifts to those I love.

I LOVE to wake up Christmas morning with gifts overflowing from underneath the tree.

How does one strike a balance between minimalism and holiday commercialism, especially with a husband and four children?

I have found the greatest joy in giving what I call, "The 12 Gifts of Christmas" for children and teens.

This name was inspired by, "The 12 Days of Christmas" song that we all love.

Our Family's Current Christmas Gift Giving Circumstances

At this time in our lives, no one in our family receives gifts from extended family or friends.

Some grandparents send money, which typically goes towards holiday vacation experiences, but that is all.

Each person in our home receives:

• 1 Small gift from each sibling on Christmas Eve Morning
• 1 Book, Chocolate, and Christmas Ornament for our Memory Tree on Christmas Eve Night
• Santa Gift
• Christmas Stocking
• 12 Gifts of Christmas

You can read more about our Christmas traditions in the post below.

Family Christmas Tradition Ideas

Everyone in our family keeps and updates Amazon wish lists year round.

This allows me to shop for the best deals and discounts year round, saving as much money as possible.

Gifts may seem expensive, but it is rare that I ever buy anything that isn't 50% OFF or more.

We do not go out and buy extra "stuff" throughout the year. 

If one of us needs items like shoes or clothing, we'll purchase what is needed on clearance.

If something breaks and needs to be replaced quickly, then we will do so.

Otherwise, the holiday season is when we go all out.

Everyone in the house knows that gifts are received on holidays and birthdays only, so they're extra special.

Here's what we do!

I love that no matter what our budget is, we can still find something for every category.

The gifts are meaningful, used, and loved.

And, they take up very little room in our home!

The Twelve Gifts of Christmas for Children and Teens

1. Something to Wear 

Each year our kids receive clothing. 

This gift idea was introduced to our children with the Scandinavian tradition of the Yule or Christmas Cat.

In Scandinavian countries you must receive an item of clothing for Christmas or you will be eaten by the Yule Cat! 

There's something about the Yule Cat that makes receiving clothing at Christmas so much more entertaining. Lol.

Now that we have teens, they love receiving clothing for Christmas.

Since they're not really growing anymore, we don't do much school shopping. Receiving new clothes at Christmas is always welcomed.

My husband and I don't buy clothes, except for at Christmas and Easter, unless a clothing item is destroyed or we can find what we need at the local thrift store.

It's always my goal to give a full outfit as a gift to each person in the home.

Shopping year round and finding incredible clearance deals helps make this happen.

If I'm not able to put together an entire outfit, a single item of clothing works.

There are so many options:

• Socks/Stockings
• Tops
• Bottoms
• Dresses
• Suits
• Underclothing
• Hats
• Shoes/Boots
• Outerwear
• Bathing Suits
• Clothing Accessories

There's something for every budget!

2. Something Fancy

The holiday season is a time of year where so many are dressing up and looking their best. I love to support that when gift giving.

Everyone loves to feel special!

I've given so many fancy things over the years. 

Here are some ideas:

• Make Up
• Hair Accessories & Tools
• Nail Accessories & Tools
• Lotions & Skin Products,
• Jewelry
• Watches
• Ties
• Suits
• Dress Clothing and Shoes
• Shavers & Kits
• Perfumes & Colognes

I love that boys and girls alike can enjoy fancy items!

3. Something to Read

The holiday season is the only time of year that we purchase books. Most often we just borrow books from our local library.

Everyone in the family gets so excited to receive a new book for Christmas. 

My kids particularly like being introduced to a new series, so they can continue to enjoy reading for as long as possible.

There are so many different types of books out there to choose from to fit the needs of everyone on your holiday list.

Even if people aren't big readers, different types of books can work.

Here are some ideas to consider:

• Recipe Books
• Visual Encyclopedias
• Coloring Books
• Crossword Puzzle Books
• Joke Books
• Magazine Subscriptions
• Trivia Books
• Travel Books
• Novels/Graphic Novels
• Picture Books
• Comic Books
• Arts and Crafts Instruction Books

If you have someone on your list who struggles with reading due to delays or disabilities, consider giving an audiobook. 

4. Something to Watch

I don't know about you, but I have the fondest memories of receiving new movies on Christmas and enjoying them through the holiday break.

Another favorite memory is receiving movie theater tickets to enjoy with family or friends.

Today life is a bit different with streaming services and fewer theaters, but you can always find something to give to someone to watch.

Here are a few ideas:

• DVDs/Blu-ray Discs: Movies & Shows
• Subscriptions to Streaming Services
• Movie Theater Tickets or Season Passes
• Drive-in Tickets
• Concert Tickets or Season Passes
• Sporting Event Tickets
• Subscription to NFL+ Premium or ESPN+
• Theater Tickets or Season Passes

Again, there's something for every budget here! I love membership options that I can pay throughout the entire year, instead of in one lump sum.

5. Something to Play

During the holiday season, especially when there's no school, its' always beneficial for everyone in the family to have something new to play with.

Obviously play items change over time as children get older, but there's still something for everyone.

Here are some ideas:

• Toys
• Board Games
• Card Games
• Video Games
• Gaming Systems
• Computers
• Musical Instruments
• Sports Equipment
• Outdoor Activity Sets

Remember that play looks different for each child and teen.

6. Something to Build or Create

Such gratification comes when a project is started and completed! 

Gifts that invite building and creation can be so much fun.

They also provide something to do during the holiday break and possibly some extra time with a loved one who may assist.

Here are some examples of building gifts we've given in the past:

• LEGO Sets
• Model Kits
• Building Kits
• Science Kits
• Scrapbooking Kits
• Arts and Craft Kits
• Sewing Kits
• Gardening Kits
• Puzzles
• Home Renovation Projects
• Tool Kits & Building Supplies

Be on the look out for kit subscriptions. They can be wonderful to receive throughout the year!

7. Something to Promote Family Bonding

The holiday season is a time to create memories and traditions that will be remembered for years to come.

I love giving an item or experience that everyone can enjoy as a family.

Here are some ideas:

• Board Games
• Card Games
• Family Movie Nights
• Family Memberships to Kid-Friendly Locations (Zoo, Science Museum, Pool, etc.)
• Restaurant Experiences
• Escape Room Experiences
• Sports Climbing Experiences
• Classes for the Entire Family
• Tickets to a Special Events
• Season Passes to a Theme Park or Other Location
• Vacation Packages

We understand some children and teens do not have family or those that can participate in bonding time. For that reason, we've also mentioned that this gift idea can work with friends.

8. Something to Promote Healthy Living

I find it so important to support my children and teens in healthy living in the areas of  physical, emotional, spiritual, and educational fitness.

Giving them a gift that promotes wellness AND is something they will enjoy, is one of the best ways I can show my support.

There are so many gift ideas that fall under this category!

• Exercise Equipment
• Sports Equipment
• Sports Lessons or Camps
• Dance Attire or Shoes
• Dance Lessons or Camps
• Skating Attire or Shoes
• Skating Lessons or Camps
• Membership to a Gym or Pool
• Camping Equipment or Trip
• Water Bottle
• Just Dance Video Game

I love watching my my kids enjoy these Christmas gifts. They're the gifts that keep on giving and keep them active!

9. Something to Promote Personal Hobbies 

Every child and teen has at least one hobby or passion.

I can vividly remember each of my kids' passions and hobbies at different phases of life. There are so many fond memories.

Though I could never provide a list that includes every hobby and passion, here are some that are popular in my home and with friends right now, or have been in the past.

• Football Cards
• Pokémon Cards
• Dungeons and Dragons
• Drawing
• Arts and Crafts
• Singing
• Dancing
• Acting
• Swimming
• Cars
• Dinosaurs
• Barbies
• Trains
• Insects

Once you know the hobby or passion, it's fairly easy to find a gift to give that matches it.

Don't hesitate to ask your child's or teen's help with this gift, to ensure it's exactly what they're wanting or needing.

10. Something to Promote Community and Identity

It is so important for the health and wellbeing of a child and teen to feel like they belong in some group or organization. 

They long to be someone who is respected and recognized by others for who they are.

Each year, I try to support my kids in this endeavor.

Groups do not have to be official. Anything can count really.

I remember the year my boys started wearing attire related to their favorite NFL teams. 

So many strangers would come up to them and start a conversation about football.

They became official fans of their favorite teams and that meant something.

Bulldozer discovered theater this year and found that this is where his people are.

It's always best to follow your child or teen's lead when it comes to what type of groups and organizations they want to participate in.

Here are some gift ideas to go along with this theme:

• Team or other Group Attire and Accessories
• Sports, Dance, Theater, Music, Art, 4-H Camps, etc.
• Private or Group Lessons related to chosen Interest
• Cooking or Baking Classes

I love how these type of gifts build self-confidence!

11. Something to Use in the Kitchen or Related to Food

It is a long standing tradition in our house to receive a gift during the holiday season related to food or that can be used in the kitchen.

There are so many options when it comes to this category of gift!

Here are some gift ideas that have been enjoyed at our house in the past.

• Specialty Pots & Pans
• Waffle Maker
• Recipe Books
• Baking Equipment and Accessories
• Lunchboxes
• Popcorn Assortment
• Popcorn Seasonings
• Hot Sauce Sampler
• Maple Syrup Assortment
• Knives Set

Every child and teen uses the kitchen and/or enjoys food, so you really can't go wrong here.

There has never been a Christmas when a kitchen/food themed gift hasn't gone over well.

12. Something for the Bedroom/Personal Space 

Whether a child or teen shares are room, or has their own, it's always fun to help them create a personal space that is their own.

Each year I try to give each one of my kids a gift that does this.

Examples of gifts that have been loved in our house include:

• Photo Frames and Collages
• Jewelry Boxes
• White Boards for Drawing
• Fish Tanks
• Bedding Sets
• Wall Art and Decor
• Lap Desks

There are so many other options!

If you decide that one of the 12 gift ideas doesn't really fit your family consider the following:

• Something to Listen To
• Something to Learn

There are years when we have to switch out some ideas for others based on the needs of our kids.

As you can see, it's possible to embrace minimalism and enjoy the 12 gifts of Christmas.

So many of the gift ideas are experiences and/or items that work for everyday life.

The 12 gifts of Christmas promote physical, spiritual, emotional, and educational wellness.

They provide so many opportunities to develop life skills.

I don't usually have to worry about making room for things, because I don't buy items I don't have room for in our home.

It's my hope that this list inspires others who may be struggling with gift ideas this holiday season.

If you liked this post, you may also enjoy the resources below.

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Today, I was once again reminded how a child or teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder responds to pain and sickness.

I was at the doctor's office with Princess.

She had explained very casually to the doctor that one of her ears felt plugged and numb. The other ear had just begun to hurt.

The doctor looked into her ears.

"If my ears looked like your ears, I'd be curled up in my bed sobbing from the pain."

Princess giggled.

Children and teens with Reactive Attachment Disorder feel pain and sickness so differently than their typical peers.

Reactive Attachment Disorder: Pain and Sickness

How Does a Child or Teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder Respond to Pain and Sickness?

No child or teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder responds to pain and sickness in the same way.

The response will be based on the type of trauma endured and the type of Reactive Attachment Disorder that is present.

What are the 2 Types of Reactive Attachment Disorder?

The start of pain or sickness may be a huge trigger and solicit a very big response in the form of unsafe behaviors.

A child or teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder may feel like she is going to die, the minute she feels pain or sickness, because of past trauma.

In some cases, a child or teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder may not show any signs of sickness or pain at all.

Pain or sickness in a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder can cause unsafe behaviors to lessen or disappear completely.

Where a typical child or teen would be absolutely miserable, the child with Reactive Attachment Disorder is pleasant and seemingly content.

A typical child or teen often wants to rest until feeling better. 

When feeling pain, the typical child often stops what she's doing.

The child or teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder may not feel the need to rest, until the body literally can't not rest.

Pain often does not stop a child or teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder from functioning, unless it is extreme and severe. Even then sometimes, a child or teen with RAD will try to keep going.

Sickness or pain may be the only instances in which a child or teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder allow the caregiver to take care of her.

At the same time, sickness or pain, may cause a child or teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder to push a caregiver even further away. 

The child or teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder may blame and target the caregiver for the pain or sickness she feels, due to past trauma that is unresolved.

Why Does a Child or Teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder Respond to Pain and Sickness Differently than Typical Peers?

A child with Reactive Attachment Disorder has endured significant trauma. 

While going through that trauma, the brain and body developed coping strategies in order to survive.

Many of the coping strategies used were not healthy.

In most cases, regarding trauma in the first 18 months of life, it benefited the infant or toddler not to respond to pain or sickness in order to stay safe.

In cases where an infant or toddler was being physically abused, medically neglected, or experiencing medical trauma, the brain changed to acclimate to the unsafe situations.

These brain changes affected the entire body's response to sickness and pain.

There are some neglected infants and toddlers who simply learned that communicating needs through crying and speaking did nothing.

So they stopped communicating needs.

Once again, the developing brain changed when sent these messages. 

Changes became normal.

This same scenario has played out over and over again throughout the years.

In order to survive trauma Princess experienced before she came to our family through adoption, she taught herself not to feel pain.

She automatically blocks out pain and sickness, whenever she feels them. 

As a teenager, her body and mind are just beginning to work together in these situations.

It's taken this long for her to trust that it's okay to express that she's hurt or not feeling well.

How Do I Help a Child or Teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder when Feeling Pain or Sickness?

A helpful response to pain or sickness will depend on the caregiver's knowledge of past trauma, the child or teen's healing process, and the type of Reactive Attachment Disorder that is present.

Every child and teen is different.

Most often finding the most helpful response will take a lot of trial and error.

In our home, I have found the best response to sickness is a balance of teaching life skills that promote independence and a constant presence to show my daughters that I am always there for them.

Over time we have worked together to help my girls understand what their bodies are trying to communicate and how to respond in a way that helps the body heal.

This has been HARD work.

Once my girls had a basic understanding of their body and could communicate needs, we put together a "Sick Kit."

A Sick Kit For Kids

This sick kit helps my girls know that they are safe when sick.

When developmentally appropriate, I've taught my girls how to use various items in their sick kit independently.

This empowers them and helps them understand they do not have to rely on others, who may not follow through with taking care of their needs.

I teach them that if items in their sick kit aren't helping them feel better after a few days, then it's time to call the doctor, who will add more items to their kit to help them heal.

During all of this, I remain by their side when sick. 

Instead of leaving them alone to rest in their room, my girls are in the living room or where I can see them at all times.

Sick time is a time of bonding, in a way that isn't possible in other situations.

I embrace the time together, knowing that as soon as my girls are feeling better, they will begin to push me away again.

150+ Ways Children and Teens with RAD Push Others Away

When it comes to pain, I've learned the best way to help my girls is to encourage them to feel the pain, express strong emotions safely, and stay by their side as often as possible.

We work on co and self-regulation a lot during these times.

How to Stay Calm During a Reactive Attachment Disorder Fit

Pain can often bring casts, braces, crutches, and more. 

Please be aware that these items can become weapons and ways for a child or teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder to injure herself.

My youngest was in a boot for six weeks after breaking three bones in her foot. During that time, a lot of new dents and marks on our walls and doors appeared.

At times she would take out her anger and frustration about wearing a boot out on the walls and doors, using her foot in the boot.

The same daughter broke her arm and ended up in a cast. She hated that cast so much that she worked on taking it off by herself every night at bedtime until she managed to do it. 

Her arm, underneath the cast, was a mess from the loosening process.

The doctor was absolutely shocked. 

How Can I Know My Child or Teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder Has a Dangerously High Tolerance for Pain or Sickness?

When an infant or toddler's brain responds to trauma in order to survive, it does not have full control of how the brain changes.

Shutting down pain receptors causes other complications within the body.

Temperature, hunger, and toileting recognition and regulation are all linked together with pain recognition and regulation through interoception, the 8th sense.

It's extremely difficult for the brain to only shut down one of those processes, and not the others.

If you have a child or teen who struggles with understanding and recognizing safety and appropriate practices regarding temperature, hunger, and/or toileting, then there's a great chance your child or teen also struggles with understanding and recognizing when she is sick or in pain.

Understanding the 8th sense, interoception, is extremely important for caregivers raising children who have suffered trauma.

When a child or teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder does not feel hot or cold, hunger or thirst, and sickness or pain like typical peers, unsafe behaviors can occur, resulting in consequences for caregivers.

A child or teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder doesn't learn the natural consequences of not wearing a coat, skipping a meal, or being in pain, therefore the caregiver can become liable for whatever happens to the child.

A Caregiver's Fears When Raising a Child with RAD

I am so thankful for a doctor who has been consistent through some of the toughest years of raising my daughters with Reactive Attachment Disorder.

The doctor understands Princess does not feel pain until it's extreme and severe.

We work together to help my daughter, communicating openly with my daughter present about struggles she's having.

Create a safety plan with doctors, therapists, teachers, coaches, etc. for your child or teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder when it comes to pain, sickness, and injuries.

When everyone is on the same page, keeping documentation along the way, families can feel safe.

Caring for a child or teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder when sick or in pain can be extremely challenging.

Remember you are never alone in this journey. 

You can do this!

If you liked this post, you may also enjoy the resources below.

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Hanukkah is a very important holiday to our family.

It holds a special place in our hearts.

There are many ways to celebrate the holiday.

Here is how we celebrate!

Hanukkah: How We Celebrate

When the kids were preschoolers, we introduced them to holidays around the world. 

We created beautiful materials that were culturally sensitive to ensure that our children would learn to love and respect those of the Jewish faith.

Montessori-inspired Hanukkah Printable Pack I

Little did we know that a few years later, our oldest adopted daughter would learn she's part Jewish after taking a an Ancestry DNA test. 

Since that time we have continued to learn about and celebrate Hanukkah out of respect for our daughter. 

We created another fabulous resource for all to enjoy.

Montessori-inspired Hanukkah Printable Pack II

Once our children understood Hanukkah and the significance of the holiday to those in the Jewish faith, we began to celebrate as a family.

This was incredibly important to us, as it was a way to support our adopted daughter and her heritage.

8 Nights of Hanukkah

During the eight nights of Hanukkah we take time to celebrate in a variety of ways.

We light our Hanukkah Menorah while listening to Ma'oz Tzur sung by Leslie Odom Jr. and Nicolette Robinson.

When we're on the go, we bring our Electric Silver Hanukkah Menorah to ensure we can still light candles each night.

Games of Dreidel occur at least one night during our celebration.

Madelaine Solid Premium Chocolate Traditional Hanukkah Gold Coins are a favorite treat enjoyed by all.

Children's Books About Hanukkah

When the kids were young, we enjoyed reading books about Hanukkah each night. 

Below is a list of some of our favorites.

The Story of Hanukkah Book

Hanukkah Bear

Celebrate Hanukkah

Elmo's Little Dreidel

Hershel and the Hanukkah Goblins

Happy Hanukkah, Curious George

Shmelf the Hanukkah Elf

Latke, the Lucky Dog

Even now, years later, my kids still remember these books!

Hanukkah Dinner

One of my kids' favorite aspects of celebrating Hanukkah is our delicious Hanukkah feast.

The kids enjoy:

• Brisket
• Latkes
• Homemade Applesauce
• Challah Bread with Homemade Jam
• Sufganiyots

As the kids get older we add more and more delicious foods to our Hanukkah celebration, spacing things out over the eight days.

Hanukkah Gift Ideas

When celebrating Hanukkah, we try to stick to gifts that embrace and celebrate Jewish culture, to honor our daughter.

Here are some gifts we've given in the past that have been loved and used.

Hanukkah Foam Toy Menorah

This is a perfect gift for a little one who isn't quite ready for a real menorah. 

We gave this to our youngest daughter. She did not want to put it away after the holiday season.

I loved how she was able to participate in festivities safely in a way that was appropriate for her development.

Hanukkah Dreidel Pop It

Who knew there was a dreidel pop it?! 

This was a great sensory gift to help our youngest keep her fingers busy during Hanukkah festivities and traditions.

It's well made and has lasted for years.

Love, Lights, Hanukkah! Movie

This is one of our favorite Hanukkah themed Hallmark movies. We watch it every year.

I love how it compares Hanukkah and Christmas with a respect for both!

Double Holiday Movie

This movie shares so many fabulous ideas on how to celebrate Hanukkah! 

I love that there is an idea presented for each day of the holiday.

Modern Jewish Baker Cookbook

Jewish baked goods are so yummy! If you know someone loves baking and they love celebrating Hanukkah (and other Jewish 

Sababa Cookbook

In my opinion, Jewish cuisine is absolutely delicious. This cookbook has so many wonderful recipes to try. It's one of my favorites!

Smithsonian History Visual Dictionary

This is the perfect Hanukkah gift for the history lover in your life. Not only does it cover the history of the Jewish people, but the history of the world.

Gourmet Olive Oil Sampler

Oil is a very important part of the celebration of Hanukkah. This gift of oils is so enjoyable. I have enjoyed all the flavor they add to mealtime.

World Religions: The Great Faiths Explored and Explained

This book is a great way to introduce the Jewish faith in comparison to other religions around the world. 

I am so thankful for all of the memories our family has made celebrating Hanukkah. 

These memories have been so special to our daughter, as they are yet another way that we show we accept her.

Happy Hanukkah to all of those celebrating!

If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy the resources below.

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No two cases of Reactive Attachment Disorder are exactly the same. 

Every child and trauma experience are unique and different.

However, there is a differentiation when it comes to specific symptoms. 

There are two types of Reactive Attachment Disorder.

Both types of Reactive Attachment Disorder operate on a spectrum, meaning that some cases are far more mild or severe than others.

Understanding a child's type of Reactive Attachment Disorder can help when choosing what types of treatment may be beneficial.

So, what are the 2 types of Reactive Attachment Disorder you ask?

Let's go through all of the details!

What are the 2 Types of Reactive Attachment Disorder?

Before we dive into the two types of Reactive Attachment Disorder, it's important to understand what all children with Reactive Attachment Disorder have in common.

What Is Reactive Attachment Disorder?

I can think of no better way to understand Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) than by reading the resource above. 

Not only does it explain what happens to the brain of a child who experiences trauma early in life, but it also gives a glimpse of what family life looks like raising a child with RAD at different ages and phases.

The Worst Cases of Reactive Attachment Disorder

There is a set of classic symptoms related to Reactive Attachment Disorder that all children with the diagnosis display in one form or another.

The resource above discusses those symptoms in detail and explains what the worst case scenarios may look like for all involved.

I wish I could say that symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder vary based on what type a child has, but that's not true.

Children with different types of RAD just go about doing things in different ways.

150+ Ways Children and Teens with Reactive Attachment Disorder Push Others Away

There are so many ways to push others away when struggling with Reactive Attachment Disorder, no matter what type a child or teen has. 

The resource above gives over 150 ways caregivers may see this happen in the home and/or in the community.

So, now that you understand what Reactive Attachment Disorder is and how it plays out, no matter what type a child or teen has, let's talk about the two types of Reactive Attachment Disorder!

I'm excited to share this information with you, not just as someone who knows a lot about Reactive Attachment Disorder, but as a caregiver of two adopted daughters, each one having a different type.

Inhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder

A child or teen with inhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder tends to avoid others and social situations all together. 

This is especially true when it comes to spending time with family and caregivers.

These situations cause the child or teen with Reactive Attachment Disorder to feel unsafe.

Avoiding eye contact and staying emotionally withdrawn are normal.

The emotions of a child or teen with inhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder remain hidden until they become too big. Emotional regulation is very difficult.

At times you will notice that emotions don't match situations and are inappropriate, or there's a lack of emotional expression altogether.

A child or teen with inhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder isn't one to show affection or accept affection from others, especially when it involves physical contact.

You will notice a child with inhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder watching others closely, but the child or teen will hesitate to engage or not engage at all.

The child or teen with RAD chooses to isolate and remain alone, as this feels safe.

Where other children and teens feel comforted by caregivers and other adults when distressed and consoled, a child or teen with inhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder does not. 

What does Inhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder Look Like in the Home?

Our daughter Princess has inhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder. 

Just as the diagnostic criteria states, she loves her alone time and is the ultimate introvert.

We've learned to respect these parts of our daughter and allow her the freedom to be alone when she desires, in order to prevent unnecessary unsafe behaviors.

There are parts of her that will try social events. These events are very scary and anxiety ridden. 

When we follow her lead as to what she wants to do and where she wants to go, tagging along for extra support, some social experiences can go well.

Princess holds in her emotions as long as possible to avoid conversation and processing. This usually results in a RAD fit later on.

She does not like affection of any kind. 

We've learned to respect this about our daughter and do not initiate affection. 

Instead, we let her know we're here for her whenever she wants physical affection. She can initiate at any time.

While I wait for my two hugs a year, I do whatever I can to show Princess I love her in ways that she feels safe accepting.

Following Princess' lead in healing (when possible) has drastically lessened the amount of unsafe behaviors in the home.

She has chosen to to accept love from her family, and healed in significant ways.

Had she not made the choice she did, there was a definitely a chance her behaviors would escalate and become so unsafe, she would not be able to live in the home.

Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder (DSED) or Disinhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder

A child or teen with disinhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder or Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder is the exact opposite of a child or teen with inhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder in so many ways.

In social situations a child or teen with disinhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder is overly friendly with EVERYONE, including strangers.

There is no understanding of "stranger danger." 

The child or teen with disinhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder may go with anyone, without checking in with caregivers first.

Even more concerning is the child or teen's need to seek out affection from others in unsafe ways. 

This is incredibly scary for caregivers.

There is a constant need for attention or connection with anyone and everyone.

A child or teen with disinhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder often develops superficial relationships with others.

Behaviors become inappropriate and dangerous towards others when the CONSTANT need for attention or connection are not met.

A child or teen with disinhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder does not understand social boundaries.

The child often acts younger than her age, and in very inappropriate ways.

What does Disinhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder Look Like in the Home?

Our daughter Sunshine has disinhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder or Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder, a type of Reactive Attachment Disorder.

She is a classic example of all of the the traits listed above to the point that it is unsafe for our family to have her live at home with us.

Sunshine has been in and out of multiple residential placements, and is now in long term residential care.

No matter how much attention and connection we provide, it is not enough. 

She demands more in unsafe ways, attempting to hold us "hostage."

Members of our family have been victims of verbal, emotional, and physical aggression on a regular basis.

Sunshine continues to display the same behaviors in residential facilities towards peers and adults.

It's still my hope that Sunshine's brain will heal and change over a long period of time, but we do not know if that is possible.

Which Type of Reactive Attachment Disorder is Easier?

As a caregiver of two children, one with each type of Reactive Attachment Disorder, I can honestly say that both are equally hard to manage.

I attribute Princess' healing to her cognitive abilities, not to the type of Reactive Attachment Disorder she has.

Sunshine has multiple diagnoses which include developmental and intellectual delays, as well as a mood disorder. This is why I am unsure if healing is possible.

Both girls were equally difficult as toddlers and young children.

The elementary years were an incredible challenge, one exhibiting depression and suicidal behaviors while the other became homicidal. 

Neither type of Reactive Attachment Disorder are easier; they're just different.

How Can Knowing What Type of Reactive Attachment Disorder My Child or Teen Has Help Me?

Knowing what type of Reactive Attachment Disorder your child or teen has can help when seeking out treatment options.

Though both of my adopted daughters have Reactive Attachment Disorder, each one has required the opposite approach in situations with behaviors in order for healing to occur.

They've required an opposite approach when parenting is concerned.

What works for one, does NOT work for the other.

Despite what professionals may say, there is no one perfect evidence based treatment that will help a child or teen heal from RAD. 

If there was, all would be cured.

Just like every brain and trauma experience is unique, so is the healing process, if healing is possible.

Get to know your child or teen.

The best recommendations we have are in the resource below.

RAD Treatment for Children

Whether you have a child or teen with inhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder or one with disinhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder, or one of each like us, healing can happen, when possible.

Remember how your child or teen ended up with Reactive Attachment Disorder.

None of it is the child's or teen's fault.

Both inhibited and disinhibited Reactive Attachment Disorder are a result of trauma experienced in utero and/or during the first 18 months of life.

Don't give up hope!

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